Working in the field of family relationships is something that is close to my heart. Throughout my career I’ve spent many hours sat opposite parents who are struggling with their relationship with their children. In their hearts, all they want is to be lovingly connected with them and to give and receive warmth and care – but the challenges thrown up by everyday life make this simple goal seem so difficult to achieve. I think my empathy for and interest in this area stems from the challenges that I experienced in my own family of origin- challenges around love, intimacy and belonging. It seems to me that it was no accident that I then found myself working in the field of child and family mental health for nearly 20 years. Over that time, I gained experience working with many families, including reconstituted families, foster parents, adoptive parents and families that had experienced separation, bereavement and loss. I also spent time working in a nursery where, among other things, I ran a group for fathers and their toddler children- this kindled a particular interest in working with fathers which has continued to this day.
In my current work, I work with individuals who want to explore issues relating to their partners, their children (including adult children), their siblings, their own parents or other family members. As well as bringing my experience and knowledge from my time working in child and family mental health, and all the tools and techniques that I use in my regular life coaching sessions, we also have the option to work with your relationship issues in an embodied, and dynamic manner in real time in sessions. We can do this by symbolically representing significant family members in your life, in the room, where you can then explore your relationship with them and experiment with what you would like to change in that relationship and how you could act, think and feel differently. This work very much recognizes that the relationships with those closest to us can often bring up the greatest challenges- and, in turn, healing these relationships can bring the greatest rewards.
A particular specialism of mine is offering coaching to parents to help them with parenting their children. I will work with you to enhance your know how and understanding around your child’s emotional development, setting effective boundaries, addressing challenging behaviours and managing day-to-day difficulties. My approach comprises a blend of relational, psycho-educational and behavioural approaches to help you become more confident and happier in your parenting. The guiding principles in this this coaching for parents can be summed as follows:
· Helping parents to work together as a unified team, supporting each other and offering the child consistent approaches. Within this, it’s important that parents do not undermine each other.
· Viewing the child’s behaviour as a form of communication and helping them to find constructive and age-appropriate ways to communicate those things they are struggling to articulate.
· Working with the principle that children need freedom within boundaries as opposed to freedom from boundaries.
· Supporting parents as facilitators of the child's emotional language capabilities and enabling the child to articulate emotional states.
· Ensuring that parents avoid ‘pathologizing’ or scapegoating the child.
· Having an awareness of a 'team around the child' approach, i.e. the role of other individuals and institutions in the child's life, such as adult relatives, school, recreational clubs- learning from how others relate to the child and consistency of approach and clear communication across different social contexts.
If you are interested in family relationships coaching, or coaching around parenting please feel free to contact me.