What I love about coaching is its open, transparent and collaborative approach. You as the client are very much in charge of the direction, focus and pace of the work. I work with you, not on you as might be the case in an approach where the ‘helper’ sets themselves up as an ‘expert’.
My particular approach is based on the Narrative Coaching model devised by David Drake.
This model works on the premise that stories are central to who we are as human beings- the stories we tell about ourselves, about others and about the world. The aim of coaching in this way is to let go of outdated stories that no longer serve you and create new stories more aligned with your desires. It is an integrative way of working that uses a rites of passage framework, and draws on approaches such as person centred theory, attachment theory and applied mindfulness. Although it may sound like a lot of theory, the approach is actually a very simple one in that it reflects how people naturally talk about themselves.
The model comprises of four stages:
‘Be Here Now’ – What is?’
“People need to name the truth before they can change it.”
People come to coaching because something is ‘out of sync’ in their lives. It’s likely that, at the very least, you have a hunch or a feeling that something isn’t quite right. Before you can get to ‘where you want to be’, it’s important to understand ‘where you are’ right now:
“What’s happening in your life right now?” “How do you make sense of your current situation?” “What’s true for you in this moment?”
‘Be Here Now’ is about sharing your story just as it is.
My role at this point is to be fully attentive to that sharing, to listen deeply to you and to build a trusting rapport in which you feel safe enough to open up and explore the changes you want to make in your life.
This stage is more about reflecting than planning or doing. An important part of this capacity to reflect is learning to slow down. As you slow down, you begin to see your habitual patterns of thinking and feeling more clearly and thereby develop greater self-awareness.
As you begin to reflect more consciously on your life as it is right now, you become aware of the possibility of choosing a new direction, more aligned with what you want. It’s important that you name this new direction, as part of ‘separating’ from a way of doing things that no longer serves you. You have reached a ‘turning point’. It’s as if you are saying to yourself “I used to think or do that, but now I want or need to think or do this instead.”
Searching- What if?
“The root of most problems in our lives is confusion about our desires.”
The aim of this stage is to clarify what it is that you want. What is it that you truly long for? We begin to surface the unspoken demands within you about how things ‘should be’, and begin to ask questions like:
“What if I choose a different perspective?” “What if I choose to behave differently?” “What if I choose to see myself in a new way?”
What experiences do you need to allow yourself to have, in order to move towards the changes you want to make in your life?
We focus on getting to the heart of your dilemma rather than merely addressing the presenting ‘symptoms’. We clarify the values that underpin your aspirations and motivate you, while at the same time examine any resistance to change. Working
with your resistance and defences is important because it is often the case that a person’s greatest gifts are hidden behind their greatest fears.
Gradually, the ‘turning point’ you identified in the last stage crystallizes into a clear distinction, or ‘pivot’, between your ‘old story’ and a new direction of travel, that inspires and intrigues you. It is this ‘pivot’, as a conscious ‘choice point’, that we actively work with, in the next stage.
Experimenting- What matters?
“Any knowledge that does not pass through lived experience is seldom capable of bringing about deep and lasting change.”
This stage is all about preparing you to take new action. We sift and sort the material from the ‘Searching’ stage to discover what really matters to you. We explore questions like:
“What is it that needs to change in your life?” “What would it take to bring that into the world?” “What would you hope to gain in doing so?”
You are beginning to put together a resolution to the questions that brought you to coaching in the first place. You have
identified a new path for yourself and you are learning the skill of noticing the triggers for your old habits and putting new behaviours in their place. In doing so, you have increased your ability to notice your inner experience, pause in the
moment to reflect on choices, observe reality and yourself without judgement, set clear intentions, and learn through experimentation.
These are skills that can be applied more generally throughout your life, not just to your current dilemma. This reflects the emphasis in this approach on ‘maturing the person’, not just achieving the outcome.
As you gain confidence in the new skills you’re acquiring, you begin to orientate yourself more towards the future and the outside world. This leads us into the final stage of the coaching process.
Action in the world- What works?
“Pick battles small enough to win and big enough to matter.”
This final stage is about ‘bringing it all together’- consolidating what you have learned, integrating the changes into your daily life and sustaining the progress.
You choose every opportunity available to put into practice what you have learned. Your mindset is primed towards the changes you want, there’s a self-confidence around new behaviours and you are able to create conditions in which success is more likely. We reflect on questions like:
“What can you do now that you couldn’t do so well before?” “What support do you need to sustain your gains?” “What is success for you?”
Many of the steps you take at this point will involve your relationships with significant others. You may find yourself
renegotiating relational agreements or letting go of routines that no longer work for you. You are making more space for new choices and creating new structures of support in your life.
The way you think and feel about yourself, the words you use to describe yourself and the behaviours you display are more in
accordance with who you want to be. Others, too, see a change in you and new results appear in your life.
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It is often the case that someone comes to coaching with a particular issue, only to discover the issue is ‘symptomatic’ of something ‘larger’ or ‘deeper’. For this reason, I tend to work with a ‘direction of travel’ rather than a narrowly defined ‘destination’ or ‘goal’- this allows for flexibility along the way and the freedom to creatively explore tangents which might yield beneficial outcomes of their own.
Coaching is rarely a straightforward linear journey from ‘A’ to ‘B’. It’s important that you have enough time and space to thoroughly explore the issues that have brought you to coaching. Therefore, I usually work in blocks of 6 sessions with people. This allows enough time for you to see an issue through to a place of greater clarity.
Reference: Drake, D (2018) Narrative Coaching: The Definitive Guide to Bringing New Stories to Life. 2nd ed. Petaluma: CNC Press.